Doubts

Ridges waving,
Lighting up after school; Cowboys smoking marborolos
Attracted by the dark
Fed by deceit
Treachery abounds
Hiding in the back of my skull
So little, so small
It's a wonder 3 pounds can matter at all
Make me smile, make me weep
Falling down at your dirty feet
Wiping you clean, perfume in my hair
Its syntax synapses, feuding electrodes
It's anything but real

Descending from Up above
Hypocrisy and lies
Unseen and unfelt
You are just my mind

All I ever heard
David deceiving another mans wife
Judas taking his own life
Best of all, there's Job
A faithful man to foolish to scorn

A fiery bush
Two solid tablets,
Am I supposed to believe?
Lies of man, tales we weaved- soon unravel
Revealing their core
Good intentions and meaningless words.

Ideas of Love, Promises of Grace
I call out- begging just to glimpse such a holy face
Denied, I turn, feeling for you in the dark
Grasping at branches, hoping to see your beauty among your so-called Eden
Humanity your gift
Life- our curse.
Must we die to follow you?
Unsatisfied, I submit my complaint
What's in it for me?
A promise of an eternity with a Savior who let my soul die?

Consumed by fire
Put me out
Holy spirit engulf me
If you can
I'm starting to want out
Losing my desire
Starving for attention
Manifest yourself to me!
Am I Not worth a dampened sheepskin?
A bloodied door?
What sin haven't I committed to not yet receive your grace?
I blame you!
For my faults and my mistakes, I blame you for my free will
You let me choose-
What made you think I could?
How dare you hold me so highly that you think I could be wise with a gift like life?
Don't you know? There are better out there
People who can make an impact- who can die happy trying
Why my Lord?
I am not your best- if by any means I may be your worst.
Sitting alone in a dark room
I waste my days,
Crying out to anything but you
Ignoring your force- Not putting forth the effort
What if you fail me to?
I can't connect
I fizzle out, fake the life I want to have
A relationship to real
A hurt that could never heal
If you singe me- what will be left?
Dynamite at its end
An explosion waiting to happen.
Just set me off Lord, and this will all be over
The parody I've made of you
The Joke I've put forth
Blame I place on you, when all I am is wrong
Not strong enough to be real
I care too much to care at all!
If you could just take me, renew me, guide me
Get rid of me
Start over with a new design
A better version of me
Then maybe I would have a chance.

Die for me! Come for me!
And now you say you'll save me.
I fall at your feet Lord.
All that I am.
This mess that I made, trying to be you
Selfish and corrupt,
Forgive me Lord for my slander
Renew my spirit
show me to begin anew.
Heal my heart- show me to look not to man
But to You.

from my daughter - madison  sperovita@gmail.com

easter

the pain of finding my Lord not there
the sorrow of seeing his body hung admist the fathers night air
To serve so long! To follow, believe, to Trust.
For what?
To see his body bloodied and beaten?
to find his grave robbed and barren?
My Lord, I followed! I trusted!

I denied you, three times, as you said.
But was I wrong?
Three days gone deep into the ground.
I find my faith fading
Fooled again-
Tis my greatest sin
Seeming so real, so true
Lord, how deeply I loved you!

To veiw your face, hear your voice for one time more
to be filled with the joy of your love
Illusions! Tricks!
How I make myself sick
But, you weren't just a man!
Water into wine, loves and fishes,
Where these figments of mans mind

Walking, solemnly to the tomb, where I know you still lie
Carrying the last of my praise,
No longer believing you'd raise

Stopped, detoured from my plan
This man in my way- there is no way I'll let him keep me from reaching you
I know I'll find you!
This mere man wont stand in my way.
See how I still love you Lord?
Even when you are no longer here.

The man passed on the path softly calls my name
But I keep going forward
Determend to seek your body
Again he calls,
My mind scoffs. I've been with Lord! I've no need for this man!

Yet he calls again and I find myself turning
My eyes open and I see
it is He!
My Lord, My God,
How dare I doubt thee.

Psalm 25 Rehearsing Truth part 1

Today it was hard to break out of the world and whirlwind I have been locked into and come wholly before God for his help, counsel, healing and protection. God is ready as I see myself in David.